Please learn how to use commas. Indian Sex Peace. Please learn how to use commas. People don’t just go around fingering their friends; if they have a special relationship, we really need to know about it for this to make sense. You really need to write more about the characters, not just their clothes. 7 comments«12»anonymous readerReport 2011-12-19 22:50:00totally unrealistic its just to fake guess what im only 10 lolREADERReport 2006-03-28 18:38:28ok storyREADERReport 2006-03-28 18:37:08good story but needs more relistismREADERReport 2006-03-05 07:13:56This may be your first time writing a porn story, but it looks like it was your first time writing anything ever. it was almost painful to read. You really need to write more about the characters, not just their clothes. This has promise, but your style needs a *lot* of work. =Dreamer=READERReport 2006-03-04 23:38:38complete crap«12» =Dreamer=READERReport 2006-03-04 23:38:38complete crap«12» You really need to write more about the characters, not just their clothes. Peace. Peace. Please learn how to use commas. Details are good, but they have to be the right details. If your character is rich, but none of his friends know it, don’t have him live in a house with a four-car garage and drive a Lincoln Navigator!
